


Sarah Young's FAQ

by Jenrose



Series: A Newer Testament [5]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:53:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25041190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenrose/pseuds/Jenrose
Summary: After Adam's sister, Sarah, is given a blessing, it becomes necessary to create a website.(Read the start of the series first, please.)
Series: A Newer Testament [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1562014
Comments: 6
Kudos: 59





	Sarah Young's FAQ

**Author's Note:**

> This is really best understood in the context of the larger series, and spoils the second story quite a bit, so please read the other stories first. It does not depend on part 4. 
> 
> Beta read by Rhysiana

Putting up the website wasn’t something Sarah actively thought about, it was something that happened as the people she was testing her powers with saw the need. It wasn’t terribly complex. A FAQ. A contact form. And a database of questions asked and answered. A little experimentation proved that Sarah needed to write the basic copy for the entire site, for it to have that push of truth her words tended to carry, but other people organized it and screened the contact form responses and it became quickly obvious during alpha testing that boilerplate was possible. 

It took three days for the FAQ, which was copied out to a variety of sites, to go viral. 

* * *

**Sarah Young's Frequently Asked Questions**

Hi, I'm Sarah Young, and I have a gift. If I say something that is true, people believe me. This doesn't mean everything I say is true, or that I know everything, but it's handy for sussing out complex issues and sorting out truth from not-truth. 

  1. How can I know you're telling the truth?  
You’ll know. You'll feel the difference. The sky is plaid. You know that's not true… and you know that me saying you know it's not true, is, in fact, true. See?
  2. How did you get this gift?  
I was bitten by a radioactive spider. See? You know that's a lie. Actually, someone I care about, who has tremendous power and the ear of the Divine, asked me what I wanted, and I told him that if I spoke the truth, I wanted to be believed. And that I wanted to see clearly. And that was when I realized that She was standing in front of us, but I just hadn't been able to see Her before. And you can feel it, that I am telling you the absolute truth.
  3. She?  
The Almighty, Shaddai, Adonai… presents Herself in a female form and says that while She is actually an extra-dimensional genderless being of unfathomable power (don't even try, you'll just give yourself a headache,) those who know Her usually see Her as female unless they're incapable of taking a "female" seriously, in which case She manifests as something pants-wettingly terrifying with a boomy voice. So if you see Her and She's a burning bush, congrats, you're a sexist and you totally missed the joke.
  4. You really see Her?  
Yup. She gives a sermon at my local church every Sunday and comes to my mother's house for tea after, usually.
  5. Is that a metaphor?  
No.
  6. Where is She giving sermons?  
If you are ready to know, you'll know.
  7. I thought seeing the face of the Almighty was supposed to melt your face off?  
Only if she wants it to.
  8. Does that mean Heaven and Hell are real?  
Yes, but they are undergoing restructuring after a failed apocalypse, and there's no point in getting worked up about it, it didn't happen. We have a couple decades from August of 2021 before She decides on a new system.
  9. Which religion was right?  
Many religions were partially correct. All of them got some of it wrong. Get over yourself.
  10. Does this mean that the creationists were right?  
It depends on your perspective. She created the world in six days. For the rest of us it took billions of years. 
  11. Is the Bible accurate?  
In spots. I'm told by two of her stewards that they were there for the Garden and the Ark and the Crucifixion. But that mistranslations over the years tend to compound inaccuracies.
  12. Did Jesus die for our sins?  
After a fashion. He died because he told people to be kind to each other and they didn't like that much. She calls him Her child. I don't have the whole story yet. If that sentence feels false, check for a new blog post, I will probably forget to update the FAQ.
  13. Is this a new religion?  
Not really.
  14. Is the church you go to open to the public?  
You are called to come to the church. Does that feel true? Then you’re invited. If it feels like bullshit, I wouldn’t recommend it. You’ll probably get a flat or miss your connection. Or worse.
  15. Can you answer my scientific question?  
I can try. Usually it amounts to me making lots of statements and you then knowing which ones are true and which ones are false. Yes, this is useful. Yes, it is time consuming. No, I won’t just do it for anyone any time, I have a life. You are welcome to submit your question to the question lottery. It gets answered if it gets answered. Please use our contact form for anything which would involve you making a profit off the response. 
  16. Can you tell me if my lottery numbers are right?  
If I could, I wouldn’t. Which may be why I was given this blessing. Think on that.
  17. If the Almighty is on Earth, is She going to fix _____?  
We have a team of young people who are working on issues affecting the long-term liveability of the planet. She has allowed blessings to assist their efforts. But this is very much our mess, and we need to clean it up. Be very glad that these children are so mindful of the greater good. Were they not, the planet would already be unfit for human life.
  18. Is ___ a sin?  
The Almighty blessed one of the children with the ability to help families accept people who have often been shunned by religious people, especially transgender youth and LGBTQ+ people of all ages. She does not damn people for love or for who they are. She does, however, look harshly on those who reject their children, act out of greed rather than generosity, and concern themselves more with what the neighbours think than loving their own families. Most religious laws were not created with full understanding of her intent. She likes modern consent theory and cares not a bit about premarital sex between consenting adults. 
  19. Then why does the Bible say _____?  
The vast majority of the Bible has been filtered through thousands of years of linguistic and cultural shifts and even the parts which are baffling but true come from a time when She Herself was learning about the best ways to do things. She tells me we all get to change our minds when we have new information, and that there is no sin in admitting one was wrong.
  20. What do I have to do to make sure I get into heaven?  
Worry more about what you need to do to be a good person on Earth. Your task as a human being is to live as best you can in the world you are given, and to avoid making life worse for people less fortunate than you. If you can help people, that’s even better.
  21. I’m very sick. If we are in an age of miracles, can someone heal me?  
Perhaps, but sometimes the answer to a prayer is, “No.” Use the contact form for specific miracle requests, they will be forwarded to the Stewards for analysis. No guarantees can be made. Death and illness are a part of life, and the end of Death would be the end of the world. 
  22. Do I have an immortal soul?  
Yes. That is the default. Those who would prefer not to have an immortal soul will be given the opportunity after death for oblivion. 
  23. If Heaven and Hell are in flux, where will our souls go when we die?  
That’s above my pay grade.
  24. Why now?  
Why not? 
  25. Are you religious?  
I am a believer, because I am a sane person who was given the incontrovertible truth that the Almighty exists. There is no formal religion which matches my current understanding of the universe. I go to church every Sunday, but it’s not what you would expect. I follow my truth, it’s just that I have an easier time than most figuring out what my truth is. Mostly I grab the nearest person and tell them something and they tell me if it’s true or not. 
  26. Are you single?  
I have a very patient boyfriend who has joined me in this work.
  27. I think I’m called to come to your church, but my parents don’t agree.  
Show them this sentence. Your child is called to go to Tadfield in England. They will be safe.  
  
If that doesn’t work, you probably aren’t meant to come right now. Come later. If your parents believe it but still won’t let you, please fill out the contact form for further instructions.



Contact form:  
Name (the name of your heart or birth)______________

Question* or request: _____________________________  
 _*Note, most questions not of a personal nature will be answered publicly in the searchable database. Be as specific as possible. Simple questions are more likely to be answered._

Is this a request which centres on personal financial gain or the detriment of others? We’ll know if you’re being honest. (Dropdown menu options include yes, no, and I don’t know/I’m not sure)

Preferred modes of contact:  
Email _______  
Mobile ______  
Other ______  
Sudden knowledge dropped into your head* (dropdown defaults to no, but yes can be selected)  
 _*note that this option can be unsettling, but is very efficient. Not available for every request._  
Personal visitation is an option that may be exercised by the answering entity if it is not something Sarah can address. Please tell us if you do NOT want a visitation. Most questions and requests will not be answered this way.  
Personal visitation (yes/no dropdown)

* * *

The spam-to-content ratio was initially quite high, until one of the voluntary moderators wished quite fervently for the spam to stop, and after that only actual questions phrased courteously would actually go through. Several of the moderators were unnerved by this, but the one who’d actually managed went on a giddy, manic wishing spree across multiple major sites, and the world was that much less annoying until the spammers figured out how to get around it on the other sites. That took about a week, at which point the moderator decided to request a specific blessing on the matter. The sporadic disappearance of spam across parts of the internet became the subject of some discussion once someone spotted the trend. Several people muttered about miracles but no one associated it with Sarah’s site management. 

The moderators sifted through the questions, pointing the obvious ones at boilerplate, putting the trivial into a lottery for questions to be answered, and forwarding high priority questions and miracle requests on. 

Sarah spent a couple of hours each day on questions. She would sort through the easy ones first. An adopted teenager asking, “Are my biological parents alive and should I try to contact them?” could get a fast answer simply by Sarah saying to whoever was nearby, “So-and so’s biological parents are alive. They should try to contact them,” and getting a quick answer as to whether those sentences were true.

But someone asking, “Who are my biological parents?” might require significantly more time. There was more than just a lottery, there was a triage. More questions could be answered. 

By the time the site had been up for a month, Sarah had enough questions coming in that she alone could not have answered them all. The answers database became more complex and organized. Any time a question was answered more than once, her staff harvested the question and answer and posted them, names removed. “Should I take the new job?” had the answer, “Yes, you should take the new job”, but anyone applying for a new job could read the answer and feel the truth, or lack, of the answer. “I met a new guy, is he someone I should date?” was also popular. 

Not everyone paid attention to the answers, to their own feelings about the answers, or to the implications. 

But for some, the answers were everything, even if they didn’t ask the questions.

Sarah only occasionally ran into the fallout from nonbelievers. Crowley just sighed and said, when she complained about it, “You can lead people to truth, but you can’t make them open their eyes. Well, I suppose you could, with paperclips or sommat, but you still can’t make them _see._ Frustrating, is what it is.”

“I hope it will change, over time,” Aziraphale said. “We’re working very hard at being trustworthy.”

“’Snot about trustworthiness, Angel. Sarah is the most trustable human who has ever lived. Some people just don’t want to know, and wouldn’t know if you slapped them with it.”

And, Sarah reflected, really, her job was just to tell as much truth as she could. That there were people in the world who could be slammed with a huge dose of belief and then deliberately turn away was not, ultimately, something she could fight. 

“Free will,” the Almighty explained. “I can remove doubt, I can give certainty, but ultimately people are people and some people just will not listen to anything that tells them to be sensible, not even the actual voice of Me.”

The vicarage seemed to shift and adapt to their needs, though it was hard to spot. There was a server room. No one built it. They just found it one day, tucked away in the basement, just before their site traffic hit the maximum anyone was prepared to afford. Sometimes the spaces seemed larger than they had, but only while it was needed. She’d been told that her needs would be met there, and so they were. 


End file.
